I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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