i just made my gag reflex go away.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
