let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
