I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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