Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
