It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
