well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
