Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
