it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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