yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
