Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
