Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
