Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
