i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
