I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
