I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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