just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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