I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
