my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
