My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
