hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
