just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
