i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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