haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
