My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
