Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
