Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
