I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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