If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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