from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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