3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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