I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
