dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
