No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
