Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
