Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
