I am puke
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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