My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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