Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
