u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
