Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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