So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
