I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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