I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
