Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
