dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
