Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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