I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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