We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
