everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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